Con Brio

Hello, Seattle. I am an old lighthouse, throwing beams of bright light.

2009-09-27T20:19:00.002-05:00

I should be doing mes devoirs français... but the syllabus has another wrong page number listed and I don't feel like wasting time guessing what it really means; in other words, I procrastinate. I keep meaning to write. I write in my head all the time, but I guess that doesn't count... I debate whether or not what I write is worth writing, whether it is worth reading, whether it is worth thinking. I didn't have this problem for a time. I lost self-consciousness and gained self-awareness and I wrote. I embraced everything, I tasted and ruminated, I experienced and I expressed. And now it just seems that I don't have time. I want to work on it, though. I want to make time for important things. Reading, piano, writing, homemaking. I guess I'm a work in progress... getting things to translate from thought to action.

Owww

2009-09-15T14:56:00.002-05:00

I come to you, my nonexistent readers, at a high cost today.

I'm currently hunched over my laptop, at the dining room table rather than on the couch, standing rather than sitting, my nerves on edge lest it come. The Pain. The worst pain I can remember experiencing, and I'm guessing the worst in store for me until I give birth to a child. Yes, it's that bad, I swear. I'm not a cry-er, but I've cried today. I didn't cry when I had eight teeth extracted in the same day, or when I fell flat on my back onto a cement floor from about a five-foot altitude, or when I got bit in the face by a Saint Bernard (well, maybe that time I did, but I'm pretty sure that was because of the trauma, not the pain). This bugger has me in tears. The worst part is that the pain triggers seem completely random - I can be standing stock-still and - BAM - my face screws up, I resist the urge to say things I shouldn't say, and every muscle in my body quivers. I don't know if it's bruised or fractured, but my coccyx (tailbone) is injured, and I wouldn't mind someone knocking me out with a tranquiliser just now.

If I described to you how the injury occurred, you might question my mental health (or that of my jazz dance instructor), so I'll just say that I landed square on my arse on a hard (hard) wood floor this morning.

And now I must go, because typing seems to be triggering some sort of dizzyingly painful coccyx contractions. Somebody hook me up with some morphine or something, please?

On and on the rain will fall like tears from a star

2009-09-11T10:26:00.003-05:00

I remember 9/11. I remember the days immediately after, like a long vigil. I remember the grief and the terror, and also scepticism. I had just turned thirteen and was old enough to understand most of it, and in many ways it stripped me of any clinging innocence. I remember the country's surging acknowledgement of God, a wave of repentance that subsided as quickly as it had mounted. We went to war and soon forgot why, and today men die fighting in irrelevant and peripheral locales. We are fragile, it is true.

Matt Damon looks ridiculous with a mustache.

2009-09-03T16:39:00.003-05:00

Apparently I have not blogged in a very long time.

I'm now a homeowner and an overwhelmed college sophomore. I am once again sick of painting, but I've got a lot of it left to do. I survived without television for twelve days, which I think is impressive. Evidently that period was long enough to break my absolute addiction, as the TV isn't even turned on right now. I began the semester registered for four classes, planning to drop one and add a another, but somehow managed to accomplish the adding part only. Thus I have my busiest semester yet (not counting summer... but that's a different ball game). It is also the most demanding, what with jazz dance on Tuesday/Thursday, and back-to-back classes Monday/Wednesday/Friday from 0900 to 1300, involving a trans-campus sprint at 0950.

Speaking of jazz dance, it's a killer. Mindy and I assumed from the title "Beginning Jazz Dance" (emphasis mine) that this would be the perfect abecedarian experience for us, having had no dance experience. Wrong. Our first day on the floor we blew through tendus and pliés. Tuesday's class (in which I was left to embarrass myself solo, as Mindy forgot to come... [I forgave her]) involved learning chassé and pas de bourrée. The worst part is that everyone else besides the two of us has been dancing since early childhood. What?! "We're going to look like cows," I told Mindy. Wrong again. Cows can walk. Last Friday, I couldn't.

Let's see, other bad experiences... Oh, yes. I found out the humiliating way that French devoirs are due the day they're listed on the syllabus, unlike the last two semesters, where they were due the next class. Thankfully Salif showed first-week mercy. Hmm... The computers at the library are a bit cactus this year, causing me to be a few minutes late to French yesterday. What else? ... Not necessarily new info, but in general people are moronic drivers. A.) Parking in two parallel spaces on the curb should warrant you a ticket. B.) If I get to the four-way stop first, you do not have the right to go ahead of me. C.) A stop sign means you must actually stop at the sign. No leeching onto the fender in front of you and sneaking through before your turn. Really.

I realise that I get bent out of shape over things. Fact is, I think it's a hobby of mine to get pissed off at all the dolts in the world and at my unusual amount of bad fortune. I have a strange sense of humour, you might say.

Moving on to a little optimism. We have a house! It's about halfway re-painted indoors! The TV is operable again! We have a coffee maker! We have coffee! We have coffee! We have lots and lots of coffee! (It's keeping us alive.) In 105 days we will be on Christmas break. The weather has been beautiful and autumnal. I baked peanut butter cookies Tuesday night at about 2230 and they were so yummy. We're going to go watch Star Trek at the Union tonight = free snacks ftw.

Time for this desultory post to come to an end - I've a few things to straighten up around here before heading to campus. Unpacking and settling in is a wonderful but time-consuming thing, no?

Like an opera at a disco, when all you wanted was a rock show tonight

2009-08-11T10:52:00.007-05:00

The fabulous weekend is long since over and I'm pretty sure the next couple weeks will go even faster. I still haven't begun to pack at all, nor have I chosen paint colours for the house. Today our final loan approval should come through, and then closing will be about a week later. So... hopefully still moving before school starts? I guess in the worst case we'd move the weekend after school starts. I really want to paint before we get all of our junk inside.

About the weekend. The traffic was generally constipated on our way into the city. Rush hour on Friday is probably not the best time to drive through Chicago. It was around 1700 when we reached the limits and would have been around 1800 when we reached the surprise shad our directions not led us astray a mere half mile from our destination. Long story short, we drove a good half hour the wrong way before we stopped to ask for directions. The helpful guy at Sports Authority told us the quickest way to get back on track would be to take the freeway back, and this would have been good advice had we not been caught up in a traffic jam due to an accident. Eventually, at about 10 past 1900, we drove up to JAPANESE HEAVEN. I can't believe Adam kept the surprise a surprise for almost a year. Mitsuwa Marketplace in Arlington Heights is now officially my absolute favourite place ever. It's like a mall. There's everything one could possibly want. Most importantly, there's KARL!!!!

Next to Karl Kakes (which are pretty much mythical), Meiji Karl is the best sort of snack food. Unfortunately, we'd never actually sampled its glory until yesterday, as the only place I had hitherto found it was the internet with its exorbitant shipping rates. But now my quest is over. Karl is in my pantry. How freaking fantastic is that?

We also bought some new Pocky flavours, some new Calpico flavours, and some snack packs of ChocoBoy, along with a bottle of organic sake for Mom.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We didn't actually shop until Sunday. Friday night, we barely had enough time to order dinner before they closed. Adam got a beef noodle bowl and a peach smoothie with black pearl, and I got shrimp dim sum and a honeydew smoothie with black pearl. I honestly don't know exactly what black pearl is, but it's good! Everything was brilliant.

After eating, we made it easily to Sweetie and Papa's, and were the first ones to get in. Gary was waiting as the 'welcoming party'. We unpacked, and shortly thereafter Ryan, Luke and Wes got in.

...more later. Mom's just got out of her appointment.

Day 1 - of a trip

2009-08-07T10:38:00.003-05:00

I've got hours ahead of me here at Panera in Moline, and I plan on writing. First I wanted to charge my iPod and figure out how to save a few YouTube vids on it. I don't think I mentioned last that I had discovered a few song downloads from Stones in the Field - a Celtic band with which an acquaintance once played. I bought their album a few years ago but it got cracked or lost... all the good ones always do. Who knows - maybe it's having fun in the parallel vortex now.

It is a lovely rainy day. Driving in heavy rain is not so fun, but drinking chai in a corner booth is definitely a good rainy day activity. I really want to listen to Christmas music. I really want Christmas. Actually, I'll take autumn first. Minus school, it should be wonderful. And since school means free college football, I'll even accept it with relative pleasantry.

I'm afraid my mind is a protean jumble today. Going to Chicago does this to me. It's only a day trip, but it seems far enough away (and still foreign enough to me) that one could almost consider it a road trip. But it's not a proper road trip, and I end up going home with a vague sense of unsated wanderlust.

Well, omg. I figured it out. Syncsta's Numa Numa vid is now playing on Hello iPod. This is a moment of tech-victory for me. Allow a moment of self-revelling, s'il te plait! With this newfound skill, I may ditch this spacey post and build a glorious video library on my 'pod. Thank you, Narcoblix, for the little tutorial.

Until next time...

Scudamour

2009-08-06T13:16:00.003-05:00

Unbelievably enough, we're leaving tomorrow to spend the weekend at Sweetie and Papa's in celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary. Of course, this means that we could be closing on the house a week from now. And that means that my summer holiday is a third of the way through.

Time does pass too quickly. It's been a year and a half since I last saw Dad. Over two years since I last stood on Virginian soil. Eight years since I last visited any of my Dad's side of the family. About twenty years since I last saw the place of my birth... eleven years since the talked-of 10-year reunion. Sometimes I wonder if I've fallen into Othertime... or if its true name is just Away.

I should go pack.

Catching up, mid-SNL

2009-08-01T23:24:00.003-05:00

I must say, this has been probably the most stressful week... ever. But on the other side (and after two days in a row of Jameson's) it's actually a bit humourous. For example, we have now had every piece of technological equipment go cactus on us out at CFBC. Jameson's isn't open for lunch so we couldn't go on my birthday due to our schedule. CFBC ran out of corn at the corn feed and we had to go out to eat. But hey, the Cubs won the make-up game against the Astros (happy birthday to me). And we ended up at Jameson's yesterday night, during Irish Fest. There was great live music and a big crowd, in which I randomly ran into Brigid (from French last year) and her husband. We ended up hanging out the rest of the night 'til Adam and I left. It was heaps of fun.

Of course, the best thing about my actual birthday was spending lots of time with Adam, Mom, Austin, and lots of friends out at the conference... not to mention the *pink* iPod that Mom and Adam got me. Finally! Oh, and we got to catch up on the episode of Hell's Kitchen that we missed Tuesday. And I made B-52s and they turned out perfectly, and I got to talk on the phone with Dad. Also, finishing summer courses was a plus. I'm long overdue for a holiday! All in all, 'is not so bad.'

Well... it's midnightish... and for some odd reason my arms have become inflamed with hives...

Here we go again? I better take an antihistamine and catch some zeds.

But then, if you're so smart, tell me - why are you still so afraid?

2009-07-28T22:11:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I try not to think because it hurts. A part of me wishes I didn't feel but I know that it's a line that can't - or shouldn't - be crossed. I should be happy now. I should be enjoying my youth, my marriage, my soon-to-be-house. Instead I'm worried, frightened, sad... about big things, like the threat of a loved one's suicide, and about little things, like the fact that my incessant stress and crying are going to produce a lovely breakout all over my face right on schedule for the big 21.

It's 20 past 10 and the neighbours are sharing their beat with us. It's okay. I wouldn't be sleeping anyway.

I was talking on the phone with Adam this morning before class. I cried. I was standing in the stairwell. When I hung up, I walked into the hall and realised that everyone was waiting for the classroom door to be unlocked. Of course it's the only day the classroom's been locked. I might have guessed before sharing my burdens with... everyone, I suppose.

Apparently optimism isn't my strong suit. Then again, neither is good fortune.

Though we share so many secrets, there are some we never tell

2009-07-22T13:25:00.002-05:00

It's rather been a while... I journal so sporadically and in so many places and sometimes only in my head. If I had the courage it would all be here.

Progress report on the house: Inspection was done yesterday, radon test results will be in tomorrow, and hopefully we can move up the closing date. Adam and I measured a lot of things during the inspection so we can start pricing in earnest. Knowing that the place is ours makes me a lot more picky, I've discovered. I noticed many things that will need work. For some reason all the blinds are stained/discoloured, and so is the paint... but those are easy fixes. I can't wait to go buy the paint. And I thought I'd never want to paint another wall again in my life after remodelling Mom's house!

A week from today is Birthday Eve! The big 21... and the beginning of my summer break... ah, that will be a good day. We're going to Jameson's for lunch - I've been planning on that for a good year and half now. And I promised Dad I'd make B-52s for everyone. Other than that, I don't know what the day will hold. Guess I'll find out.

Is my blog becoming pathetic? I'm not much of a writer any more. Maybe when my class is done I'll find the time to be indulgent again. If only for a couple of weeks, and those consumed with packing and moving... Maybe Christmas? Maybe during fall semester; it will probably depend on how much time oral comm will rob from my day. At least I'll have JAZZ DANCE to look forward to twice a week! :)

2009-07-08T17:33:00.001-05:00

Procrastination pays off! My day has come.

I actually didn't mean to procrastinate this time... sort of. One of the listed books for Humanities was the Communist Manifesto, and I was pretty sure I could just borrow a Marx anthology from Mom that would include the Manifesto, and avoid paying for a separate copy from the good ol' university rip-off store. Upon looking at the study guide, however, I ascertained that there are questions on the introduction and I would thus be required to buy the rip-off copy. I picked it up today, as the quiz on it is Friday.

Lo and behold, the final date for full refunds on July term textbooks is Friday.

Score! I'll read it, ace the quiz, and get my five-something back. Everyone wins. Except the bookstore.

This class is a bit of a drag, to be honest. One of the first things Dr. Sadkowski said was, 'Do you feel like you're being punished by going to summer school? I do.' Today he even suggested extending a few classes to three-hour sessions, hastening the end of the term. I don't think it's effecting his teaching or anything, and it's actually kind of nice to know our prof wants to be off for the summer as much as we do, but it also doesn't help the class to be exciting and somewhat worth selling your soul for the month. We will all be glad when it's over. There's even more reading for this one than Sociology. I haven't really even read a fraction of what's assigned. I'm just skimming for the stuff on the study guide. If, after the first exam (Monday), I find that this is not an effective strategy, I will attempt to be more diligent. I'm beginning to feel that just passing will be okay, although I know that deep down if I don't get an A I will not have done my best and feel guilty about it. With blessing comes responsibility, I suppose.

In other news, after some detours on the house deal, I believe we're getting back on the buying track. Long story short, several people willing to co-sign for us are, for various reasons, unable to. Today Adam called my great-uncle and he is willing to help us, but before he commits absolutely to this particular property he would like to see it (obviously). We set up a time to meet with the realtor tomorrow. She's showing the house to someone else just ahead of us, but assured us that we're still at the top of the list to buy, and if Clarion likes what he sees (and we're pretty sure he will - Papa did, and he's picky) it should be ours. I'm almost scared to get my hopes up again at this point, having been certain of the thing before and it being snatched out from under us so quickly. (Papa should be able to co-sign, but his retirement isn't quite enough to offset his own mortgage, as the lender also can't count Adam's income because it's contingent on his being a student. So, even though our rent payments are a good bit higher than the house payments would be, they can't underwrite the loan. It would really sting if we couldn't find someone with more money to co-sign and end up throwing away a crap ton of money just because the bank can't technically be assured we can afford lower payments. Funny, but sting.)

In other other news, Austin's 18th birthday is Friday, and the same day my uncle Jim flies in from California for my cousin Kara's wedding, which is Saturday. Several hours in the car = opportunity to read Western Civ textbook (trying to be virtuous, at least in thought). It's more likely that I'll knit. I'm knitting an ADORABLE little jacket for baby Silas, and found out today that another couple, family friends who live a couple blocks from Mom, had their baby girl this past Saturday, Independence Day! I'm excited to get to knit baby girl things, as the other two babies on my knit-for list besides Silas are also boys (one due this month, another in November). Kara's baby is due in January (I think), so another one coming up as well, but we don't know the gender yet.

In other other other news, I was excited today to read Mindy's blogs about France! It sounds awesome and I'm a wee bit jealous, but honestly, I think I would be way too intimidated to actually go myself, so it's all good! She can come back and tutor me this fall... tee-hee. :)

Okay, that is all for now. I'm procrastinating again. I need to clean the house, read a book, read about a hundred pages of textbook, do about five loads of laundry, make a wedding card, and bake birthday cupcakes before Friday afternoon. Oh, and maybe go shopping for something new to wear to the wedding. So...

Cold beer, hot lights, my sweet romantic teenage nights...

2009-06-26T23:12:00.000-05:00

So much for my daily blogging... ha. Well, the lack of written accounts of learning experiences is not for the lack of them. I must say (somewhat begrudgingly) that I've enjoyed Soc immensely. Prof Sandstrom does a lot of interactive learning stuff... and we watch films periodically... But point being, I've learned a lot. Too much to put here really, and it would not be relevant anyway. Sometimes things require relevancy.

June has been everything a June should be. Sunshine and storm. Billy Joel. Do you know, I've yet to see a lightning bug? It will happen. I love June.

Currently, I am remembering some years of my life, to which I cannot - nor would - return; but how sweet they were. Isn't it crazy how a song, or a scent, or a season can evoke such thoughts? It's crazy, too, how in my head they are warm and deep with meaning, but if I wrote them here they would sound silly and trivial.

Neither silly nor trivial, however, is the fact that Adam and I are buying a house. It's surreal. Less than a week ago I was not entirely sold on the idea, and now a lovely four bedroom home will be sold to us over the next month or so. We'll nearly double our square footage, and have our own lawn and garage to boot. The details just came together today.

And the Cubs beat the Sox, 5-4. What more can one ask for?

Mom is, of course, very excited about the whole house thing. I think we actually inspired her to start looking for a new house. It's about time she moved. She needs a more accessible house. She picked me up to go look at some ranches with attached double garages... we were able to get a flyer at one, and I think she's going to try to contact a realtor. On a side note, she also said today - get this - 'I'm famished.' Wow. Now that's progress! I think all she's eaten this week while Austin's at camp is sushi (with me, yesterday) and some Glad Corn. I picked up a Little Caesar's pizza for her. Miam.

I called Dad and he's completely stoked as well. (About the house, the Cubs... and the fact that LSU won the College World Series.) I don't often say this, but - I freaking love my dad.

Tomorrow's Sturgis Falls - the parade, the noms, the USMC band... Yes, June is a beloved month. Unfortunately, rain is in the forecast. Last year, it rained all day. Everyone was a bit soggy and, for once, if your bum was wet nobody looked twice. I love rain, but not on the Saturday of Sturgis Falls.

I have had a romantic life, and not just those teenage nights. The trouble with romance is it's mostly romantic after the experience and not during. Seven years ago I didn't think I'd look back so fondly on my candles and Monopoly marathons with Austin and wonderful TV programming (well, maybe I did know I'd miss Snowy River). I never thought my Lemon Ale would fall by the wayside, that's for sure. But they're in there, somehow, ingrained in me. I wonder if anyone truly knows himself, what he's made of. I tend to think that Self, like Home, will always remain nebulous.

It's late. I was tired an hour ago. Just had to write. It'd been forthcoming these past days.

Just like I haven't eaten in the longest time...

2009-06-09T18:46:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I did not blog. Yesterday I learned that this sociology course will kill me with the amount of textbook reading required. My life is in a shambles... I did not turn on the TV at all yesterday except once to check the weather. Aye.

Today has been slightly better than yesterday. Yesterday being pretty terrible. I've had really bad backaches and they're quite distracting when trying to sit still in class or read an endless textbook chapter. I feel like an old person... Ahhh, my back! *McCain voice*

I don't have anything of great interest that I've learned today to share. A bunch of sociology stuff. Oh, but I found out there's an A. N. Wilson who wrote a biography of Lewis. I happened to see this copy of A Tale of Two Cities with an afterward by an A. N. Wilson, and I picked it up to see what the full name was (which I didn't find out) and saw in his list of works a biography of Lewis. I was at Barnes and Noble to buy the Chronicles of Narnia in the first place. It's about time I had my own copy. This one is all seven books in one volume, so it's quite fat. I eventually want the Easton Press editions of Narnia as well as of the Space Trilogy.

Well we really should be leaving for Overman Park any minute. We missed the first bandshell concert last week because I forgot it was June...! Horror.

Butter Pecan Ice Cream Is Calling My Name

2009-06-07T21:36:00.003-05:00

This is to be short as Adam and I are about to watch some home videos on the old TV. It's a gorgeous thunderstorm out. The Cubs won 6-3 in the 14th inning against the Reds to win the series - hallelujah. And one thing I learned today is that Captain James T. Kirk is from Iowa. Go figure.

Come back and haunt me, follow me home

2009-06-06T20:17:00.003-05:00

Today I undertook a project that I didn't mention on my goal list, but one that I've been wanting to do for a while. I've gotten most of the books we own indexed in a single file on my computer, with a record of those that are currently loaned out. I've still got to put in my cookbooks and a box of books that won't fit on our shelves, and I think I'll have them all. The Works document is already nine pages long... but then again, there are still so many titles I don't own and need to... For example, I do not actually own the Chronicles of Narnia or the Space Trilogy; nor do I own many of the Jean Craighead Moore books, or many more childhood favourites. In fact, I should start a list of books to buy.

Okay, so now for my pitch on goat's milk! I bought a quart to experiment with cheese-making last week, and sneaked a sip before mixing it with the other ingredients, and found the flavour to be really good. So good, in fact, that I went back to Hy-Vee for another quart just for drinking. On a hunch, I decided to do an internet search on the health benefits of goat's milk, and found a hoard of information on the subject. I'll just list some interesting facts and trivia.

Goat's milk is naturally 'homogenised' - the fat globules are much smaller and more uniform than those in cow's milk
It contains some anti-inflammatory compounds called oligosaccharides, thereby possibly decreasing symptoms of diseases such as ear infections, asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, and eczema
It's a great source of calcium (higher percentage than cow's milk), protein and potassium
Many lactose intolerant people (90-some per cent) have no adverse reaction to goat's milk
It alkilinises the digestive system (forget Tums!)
It has anti-microbial properties and fortifies the immune system; cow's milk can cause a defence reaction from the immune system
65 per cent of the world's milk-drinking population drink goat's milk
When the Bible makes reference to milk, it is goat's milk, not cow's milk
Some claim that goat's milk can resurrect people from the dead!

So there you have it. Goat's milk may just be the fountain of youth. At any rate, it certainly can't harm me to drink a glass every day!

In other news, tomorrow Adam and I will have been married exactly a year and a half, and we're going to drive up to the Waverly Palace Theatre to watch Star Trek for our date. Today we went to the farmer's market and bought some delicious strawberry-pepper jelly, and a quart jar's worth of radishes for only a dollar. We just finished some pepper jelly over neufchâtel with crackers... absolutely gorgeous. Oh! And we 'stole' Papa's TV with VCR (actually he gave it to us, but wasn't home when we picked it up, so we felt a mite sneaky) and I brought some old home videos home from Mom's to watch. I'm so excited we have a VCR again. It's a little pathetic, I'm afraid. I also reclaimed some books that Austin had borrowed and long since finished reading. We brought Sunshine home from Dr. Broshar's this morning and she looks so terribly skinny! But she's as lovey as ever. And, most importantly, she doesn't have feline leukemia or FIP. Cubs are in extra innings now at the Reds, 3-3. We better win. The other night we went to 13 at the Braves and ended up losing, which upset me considerably. Z got his 100th win yesterday. Well I'm just puttering now so off I'll go to rustle up some more grub... I've been starving all evening despite that snack a bit ago!

À demain!

Marty was a punk rawker

2009-06-05T08:52:00.004-05:00

Ah, June.

Green, summer, coffee, writing, feeling, strawberries, music, warm, thoughts, thinking, gardens, rain, books, new, knitting, mystery, alive. The month of love.

This month thus far has brought some heartache, but is not without promise. Sunshine gave birth to three very premature kittens: Tiger, Belle and Chance. None of them survived. We buried them by our fence. Sunshine would have been a good mama.

My sociology class starts Monday. I haven't read the extra book(s)... I don't even remember which books go with which class. I'm pretty sure it was The Stranger for soc, so I may try to read it over the weekend.

I'm not as good at goal-setting as Adam, but it seems appropriate to here list my 'wish list of to-do's' for this month.

1. Get an A in sociology.
2. Read Leaves of Grass cover to cover.
3. Grow some wonderful plants on the patio.
4. Shop at the farmer's market at least once a week.
5. Not get behind with household things and homework - including French studies. :)
6. Ride my bike whenever possible - to UNI, Roots, Hy-Vee, Family Video, the library, Overman Park, church, etc.
7. Write something every day besides blogging, as well as blog every day about something new I've learned.

Well, putting it down in black and white makes the list a bit more daunting than it was in my head. I better get to work.

[For the record, I have not forgotten about goat's milk... maybe that will be my 'something new learned' blog tomorrow!]

O simple thing, where have you gone?

2009-05-28T09:13:00.007-05:00

It's been one of those stretches when every day I feel strongly compelled to write, but living seems to get in the way. Tuesday, I pondered the thought that real poetry is not in words but in the river robed in trees heavy with new growth and an impending rain. I even considered that photography might then be the best way to capture such things... but no, capture is not the word. Words capture; a picture gives everlasting life. I am such a traitor to my life's work, no?

At any rate, so much has happened and been made to happen. Mom and Austin left for Texas a week and two days ago, and I've finally processed my jealousy and found satisfaction in holding down the home front for them. In fact, a hilarious incident took place Monday, Memorial Day. It was about the worst day for it to happen. Adam and I were supposed to be at the campground at 1600 to grill out with Papa and some other relatives and friends. We got to Mom's with an alotted half hour to do the chores, and I believed we would actually be able to leave early. Then I saw Adam under the big maple out front... not filling the bird feeders, but staring up and calling, 'Tag! Tag!' Apparently the stupid cat had seized an opportunity to squirt out the back door with Adam, whose hands were full with the bird seed bucket and could not get the door shut fast enough to prevent Tag's escape. Adam did the right thing by not immediately chasing him, but had to follow when the cat went around the corner of the house. Ultimately, Tag ran at the tree, jumped and clung to the trunk, then went the only direction he could figure to go: up. The first crotch is about 10 feet, and thankfully he stopped there. This is when I first saw them.

Here's the trick: I'm not a fan of heights, but Tag wasn't a fan of Adam. It goes to follow that I ended up teetering about the top rung of the ladder trying to scruff a cat two feet above my head.

Actually, it worked. Fortunately Tag functions properly as a cat and the moment I had him by the scruff he went limp with nary a scratch to me. I handed him off to Adam, then climbed down and opened the door for him. Mission accomplished. We were only 10 minutes late to the campground.

Well, here I am a week later under another threat of rain. I won't mention the events of the weekend [from hell]. Let's just move on to the fact that it's June. June, one of the months in my triad of import. And this first of June, I've got a pregnant kitty in the land of Spare Oom, a ton of cleaning to be done, a week of freedom before classes, and goat cheese setting up in the kitchen.

I'll leave my blog about goat milk for tomorrow.

Sunshine

A Poem

2009-05-19T22:29:00.002-05:00

Do you remember?
Do you remember me
As I remember you:
Your winter sky and sea
Grey as my eyes, yet blue,
Yet warm as burning embers?

I swore I was indebted, for strongly they protested with violent wind and rain...

2009-05-14T22:21:00.002-05:00

Exactly two years ago I lay awake unbelieving that ten days previous we had left for Virginia, only to return all too soon with fading memories of what could have been merely another epic dream. Could those ten days match ten years? And another two passed again. I do not know which I miss more: the place or the child.

Liberté

2009-05-13T10:03:00.007-05:00

Rain here, storms in France... It seems like a tea and reading day. I've already been up for almost four hours, spent leisurely time on the computer, spent an hour getting clean and pretty, watched TV5 (France) and managed to do a load of laundry. And still the day stretches before me. There's plenty to fill it, however. My conquest of the messy house is only one room from completion. Three lengths of fabric await their transformations into throw pillows. The freezer needs to be cleaned out - and the cake top is going to thaw, special date or no - and restocked with fruit cups, which I need to put together yet. Oh, and cheese straws! I've got to bake cheese straws today. I could also felt the strap for my purse... which may just remain a silly hat in the end.

It stinks like a perm. Must be the wool.

At any rate, I've lots to do... but if I do decide to just enjoy the rainy day with a cup of tea and a book, I've got plenty of books to choose from. I was very diligent yesterday and bought three books at Barnes and Noble that actually have to do with classes: The Stranger (Camus), Amazing Grace (Jonathan Kozol) and The Ultimate French Review and Practice - complete with 200 new exercises on CD-ROM to keep me practised and ready for this fall. I also checked out another Lewis from the library, actually a small collection of short stories, including the incomplete The Dark Tower.

Noms! I think barley tea it is.

Derby Day

2009-05-02T20:06:00.006-05:00

I've always believed that there's no such thing as 'coincidence'. Life is interesting. Things happen and sometimes you later understand why.

On 4 April we turned on the telly and saw the Santa Anita Derby by chance. Having been really into horses when I was younger and even doing some riding, I remembered the Santa Anita being a somewhat biggish deal in the racing world, and thought I'd watch. We saw Pioneerof the Nile win, and a spot about the Kentucky Derby - NBC coverage 2 May starting at 1500.

It being spring and my inner domestic goddess awakening, I'd been perusing all my cookbooks, especially the Lee Bros. Southern Cookbook. Warm weather reminded me of iced tea as a beverage option and the cookbook is simply wonderful beyond that fundamental beginning. Of particular interest became a suggestion of 'Derby Day grazes', and it all became perfectly clear: a Derby Day get-together! Mint juleps, pimiento cheese, ham relish tea sandwiches, Mom and Austin... and the race.

I had lovely plans of getting up on the early side, cleaning my kitchen, riding my bike to the farmers' market, and preparing a delicious Derby spread, but the bed was such a magnet. We rolled out at about 1030 and I just got home from the grocery store when Mom and Austin were pulling up. So we muddled mint, washed dishes, and chopped ham together before the coverage began to air. Austin had to leave for a recital before the race began, so he missed all the action. But we got to watch as Calvin Borel rode Mine That Bird to victory against 50-1 odds - the second greatest upset in Derby history.

Well, I'm in a fine mood. I called Dad to tell him that a fellow Louisianian pulled out an underdog victory, and he had a drink to that. I talked his ear off and now I'm rattling away here. Well, cheers to Borel, Mine That Bird, Woolley and the rest of their posse...

Epic fail!

2009-04-26T00:01:00.002-05:00

It's late. It's not even technically Saturday anymore. So I will pretty much bullet point all the epic fails of today (yesterday):

> Cubs lose, again. We're now 8-8.
> Countless kitchen catasrophes
> Another instance of poor administration at the Bluedorn
> No St Louis team making stage at Nationals when they're hosting
> No Missouri team won Nationals for the first time in 14 years

Of course, there were good points to counter the fails. That last fail makes me quite happy. Clay won Nationals!!! Our good ol' Wisconsineers pulled it out, against two Summit teams.

Other highlights of the day were not doing any homework, seeing Oz with Orchestra (and going to Applebees afterward), Blackberry Witbier and rain.

Thunder shall be my lullaby. :)

The tension and the terror

2009-04-24T10:06:00.005-05:00

[all the possibility and promise just weighs on me so heavily]

Ahh... Nationals memories. I know why I've not been feeling put together this week. This week I should have been studying for quizzing, packing my bags, seeing friends whom I only see thrice a year, and winning quizzes. This is my first missed Nationals since I started in 2003. This month has acquired a place in my life and, now that it's not full of the same things, I feel slightly amiss. But as I can't experience it this year, I'll write about my top ten favourite Nationals memories and customs. Not in any particular order... here they are:

1. My favourite Nationals memory of all time - (Cb)² 2005. I know that's rather broad, so I'll break it down. First, Regionals:
-----a. Road trip: party hats, Step in Time, Cody under the seat, windmills, riding in Big Blue... 'nuff said.
-----b. Our first 'highlighter yellow' TFCIA t-shirts.
-----c. Waking up in my sleep, quoting material. Not once, but over and over.
-----d. Orlyn coaching us with his 'I don't wanna grow up' hat.
-----e. Delirious joy and agony as I quizzed hard - to help the team and to impress Adam.
-----f. Adam's first words to me in person since meeting on the forums: 'Allegra, right?' (sweet and awkward).
-----g. ALL-STAR TEAM, BABY!
---Nationals:
-----a. Road trip: all the way to Ohio with just Jen to stratgize and play our homemade Biblequizopoly.
-----b. Beating Crucified every time we quizzed them... and me quizzing out against Adam.
-----c. Swings'n'Things! Singing 'GLOOOOOOOOOOORY! Glory to the Laaaaaamb! GHHallelujah!" with everyone but Cody... and even he laughed.
-----d. Climbing the bracket on Saturday... FUAGNEM!
-----e. Taking 6th place... amazing for our team.
2. Designing our t-shirts and taking care of ordering them... it always seemed to be the perfect weather when we picked them up, and we'd drive with the windows down.
3. Practices at the Waverly Public Library.
4. Apples to Apples with the group.
5. Orlyn.
6. That sick, sick feeling right before the tournaments.
7. The Magic that always happens during Nationals. We leave a drab, brown landscape and come home to green. Everything comes alive. It fits the mood of driving back with some sort of amazing accomplishment under your, your team's, or your brother's belt.
8. Playing the piano at Nationals 2004 in Kansas City.
9. My 16-seconds-left, reference jump to win the final window quiz at Regionals 2007, and subsequently taking 3rd in the championship - an even greater feat for that year's (Cb)².
10. Climbing the bracket Nationals 2007 in MO. Staying above the black line would have been good. Going into our first elimination quiz, I had that '05 feeling. After going on to the next quiz, we again thought it would be our last. I quizzed out, and we won, though it took a while to convince Austin. He was sobbing because he just knew we would lose, and he wanted us to do better, as it was my last year. But we just kept going. And when we were clearly beating Siege and Messengers, and Siege kept jumping (and erring) in what appeared to be an effort to protect our lead... that was great. Not to mention the ultimate excitement of quizzing in the final window quiz of NATIONALS... against Revelation and Clay!!! The same quiz as the Regionals championship. We finished third, placing us 5th in the tournament. Fantabuliferastic.

It's not easy being green...

2009-04-23T11:28:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was Earth Day, and Mom and I enjoyed the glorious weather. With a creamslush from Sonic. In styrofoam.

Yes - I, the one who signs petitions, recycles, tries to remember to take reusable bags when shopping and can't wait to be able to afford to buy organic 100%, threw away a non-biodegradable styrofoam cup on Earth Day.

As I dwelt on the irony of this, I realized something. The creamslush would not taste the same if it were not in styrofoam. It's the same thing with Mackers' sweet tea. I don't know why. It's just a fact of life.

And that's not the only thing that wouldn't be the same if it wasn't a sabotage to health or the environment! Take Velveeta. Velveeta is terrible. Eating it is practically like consuming crude oil. And, to be sure, it can in no way compare with real, fresh, organic cheese. But that's just it. It can't compare. When that Velveeta craving strikes, no amount of Vermont cheddar will satisfy.

I could go on but I'll stop here and say this: like anything one's conscience dictates, being green isn't always easy or fun. It's okay to admit that. But it's not okay to stop there. Just because it's not always convenient doesn't mean it's unimportant. I'll put my neck out and say it's like a budget: essential to well-being. Splurging every once in a while might be a little unwise. But look for compromises, keep working toward ultimate adherence, and it gets easier to resist temptations.

Maybe next time I'll request a [recyclable] plastic cup for that cool and creamy pick-me-up.

Euphonium Magic

2009-04-21T21:41:00.003-05:00

Earlier this evening we saw Steven Mead perform, as I promised Dad, and we were not disappointed. It's been a long time since I've heard the sweetly sonorous tone of a euphonium. We bought Dad a CD as an early Father's Day gift, and I'll mail it to him along with a program.

I'm procrastinating. I've got an essay draft due Thursday but haven't started it, and I'll be gone in Iowa City tomorrow with Mom, not working on it. Oh! but speaking of which - tomorrow Mom gets her prosthesis!!! We went shopping today for some shoes and shorts, and she got a really cute purse to boot. The weather's supposed to be nice tomorrow and it'll be wonderful to go to Three Samurai for some real sushi. I learned something pathetic today. Our campus advertises the occasional 'Sushi Tuesday' but it's false propaganda. What they mean is 'Canned Tuna in Rice Tuesdays'. Blech.

Another procrastination: French. I've still not finished workbook chapter 14, and 15 is due Monday, which means I will probably do both in less than a week. The day after that, my final essay is due in Critical Writing, as well as a response essay to Eurydice, which we'll have to see on Sunday because Friday night there's a piano duo recital and Saturday we're going to Oz with Orchestra. B-U-S-Y much? Oh, yes, and final oral exam in French on Wednesday. Somewhere in there - either Tuesday or Thursday - is a biology exam as well. The week after is then finals. Hallelujah.

I'm tired and hungry. Sounds pitiful, eh? I think it's time for some popcorn to celebrate the Cubs' win... assuming we don't allow 6+ runs this inning...

How 'bout them Cubs?

2009-04-18T18:45:00.004-05:00

Just finished watching the nailbiter... Go Cubs! Although we should've put it away a lot sooner, at least it was a win. I've been trying to watch the games, now that I can. Living at home, I never watched baseball (or any TV, for that matter), partially because I was busy with school, quizzing and Adam, and partially because I would've felt like the oddball out - my mom and Austin aren't sports people. I actually wasn't planning on watching baseball this season; heck, I didn't even know when the season started. The fact of the matter is, I turned on WGN a couple weeks ago to watch the Cosby Show and found myself watching the Cubs instead, and all of a sudden I felt like I should make some attempt to follow them.

It's one of those things, like last spring when I sorted through all our old family photographs. I wish, in a way, I could be a kid again - Daddy's little girl. Because even though I didn't realize it, I was. And baseball was one of the things I always wanted to share with my dad. Music and ball games were the two influences on me even before I was born... and yes, I believe in that sort of thing. I remember how proud I was when I got my first glove - and how proud I was that I could wear Dad's, us both being lefties. I remember Dad explaining the game to me, in the living room and later at the Riverfront Stadium. And I'm pretty sure I cherished Dad's Hawaii jacket as much as he did.

Things got so complicated. No girl should ever be ashamed of who she is or who she loves. So, this year I'm watching baseball.

And now for a shout out to Mindy. She's so awesome. She's the awesomest person I know. She's so freaking awesome that she almost beat Adam at racquetball the first time she played. She's going to France this summer and I'm a little jealous, and I hope that she can still take intermediate French next fall, or I will be really bored in class. (PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!!!! Because Brian will probably get the bright idea to continue and I'll be stuck with him and also what will he do if you two don't end up in the same small group together?!?!?!?!) But anyway. She's awesome. Yup.

Je ne sais quoi

2009-04-16T15:26:00.002-05:00

Cubs games on TV. French midterms. Gorgeous weather. Allergies. I guess it's spring, and I 've got writer's block. But it sure is lovely driving around with the windows down and the music up. Currently it's If I Left the Zoo, which Adam got me as an Easter gift. We're going to Wisconsin this weekend and stopping at the Mall of America on the way home. I'll have to study for my Humanities exam while we're driving but I doubt it'll actually happen. I've got Nutella in the pantry - already opened - and it makes me happy. En fait, I might have to make myself a un goûter. Besides, Weena just dived into the box of Doritos and I'd better get her out. I might find time to escape to lappy this weekend... if not, next week.

Too much of a good thing...

2009-04-07T16:04:00.003-05:00

[...especially if it's the Karate Kid...]

...is a bad thing.

The fourth movie was weird enough (after all, isn't four an unlucky number?), but at least Pat Morita was still Mr. Miyagi. Supposedly Jackie Chan is going to assume that role now. Furthermore, this new film is apparently going to be filmed, at least in part, in China - yep, China. Anyhow, quasi-full-scoop here: http://www.observer.com/2008/o2/will-smith-s-kid-next-karate-kid. There's so much that doesn't make sense about this that I don't know how the idea got off the ground in the first place... Other than money in the right hands, I guess. But still, what were they thinking?!

Well, I might just have to bust out my copy of the original and watch it tonight. Remind myself how good it is so I will be even more outraged by the time the new remake really hits the media.

At any rate, it's time I stop rampaging. Other than being down with the flu all weekend, developing a 'productive cough' and sounding like Gollum today, things are smashing. Or maybe I'm just looking forward to the Moscato this evening. Next week will be a crazy beast again - midterms in French and workbook due. It's lovely that we're not only having classes, but an exam as well on Easter Monday.

Oh, and it snowed! Actually, it was a beautiful snow, and it's still white where it hasn't melted, and is much cheerier than the usual winter's-leftovers. There are buds on the trees now, and I was pleasantly surprised by looking out a library window last Friday and seeing tiny green leaves just opening on one tree. The sky is terribly blue today and the sun is shining. And at the end of next week we'll be off to Hayward - finally, a short road trip! As of today there are only four weeks left of the semester, which I find hard to believe. Four weeks til a reprieve. Then eight more weeks of classes before another month's break... well, not even a month; fall semester commences on 24 August.

August will be good, though. I hope to take my non-western cultures course on Japan! Also on that subject, next Friday there's going to be an exhibit about Japan up here at the CME (center for multicultural education), featuring sushi... and maybe a lesson on the origins of a certain brand of unarmed combat techniques...

I'm feeling an encore viewing of Karate Kid already.

Rant

2009-04-02T15:43:00.008-05:00

At the risk of sounding like my grandfather, I am amazed at the general lack of "common sense" among people. Particularly people who are paid to help other people. Not only are many of these worthless employees not able to problem solve, but they often exhibit an "I have no brain of my own and I have no desire to be of any help to you" attitude. I don't know if this is due to lack of job training or lack of parental training (probably a mix of both), but it really bothers me that some people earn wages to give me a blank stare or tell me something I already knew.

I could tell so many stories about this, but I'll stick to three examples.

The first instance began about a year ago as I was applying for admission to the university. As a homeschooled student, I used an online curriculum through high school, and was technically enrolled in an academy, which kept my transcript. In order to send my transcript to the university, I had to submit a written request. From the time I mailed the request, it should have taken no longer than a week for UNI to receive the fax from AOP. However, after receiving two phone calls from the admissions office over the course of the next month reminding me I still needed to submit transcripts, I finally mailed another request to the academy. Another two weeks went by and the office still had no record of my transcript. I told myself to be patient. But when I got yet another phone call from admissions (probably the 7th or 8th call), I just about lost it. Luckily, the lady who was calling sounded like a middle-aged woman (every other time I'd been on the phone with admissions, the person on the other end of the line sounded like a college student) who actually listened to me when I told her that I had received confirmation from my high school that they had faxed the transcript. She put me on hold and came back thirty seconds later telling me she'd found two copies of it.

Point: Just because you are a college student doesn't mean you should be allowed to lack the menial skill level necessary to retrieve a file. Thank God for middle-age people who learned how to use their brains. God help us when we're the middle-age generation.

The second example is somewhat like the first. Mostly this one just grates on me because I am a sufficiently` intelligent person and I don't like being made to look stupid when I'm truly not. So a few months ago when I wanted to check out a few CDs from Rod Library, I rang the bell at the desk in the media room and asked if I had to check the CDs out upstairs. I was told it didn't matter where I checked them out or returned them - either there or at the circulation desk downstairs. I returned those CDs downstairs without a problem a week later. However, the next time I checked out CDs, and saw no one at the desk upstairs, I decided to save time by just checking them out downstairs. The girl looks at me like I'm an idiot and says in a patronizing tone, "Oh, these materials are from the art and music collection, and you need to check them out at the desk on the fourth floor."

Why thank you for letting me know I got these CDs from the music collection on the fourth floor. I couldn't remember where I picked them up.

I was in a hurry and didn't feel like running up two flights of stairs only to wait for five minutes for someone to come to the media desk, so I told her that I had been told previously that they could be checked out at either desk. Thank God for one competent librarian who overheard and told the fledgling that my assertion was correct.

The third, and by far the greatest, example of bungled administration is the Pandaemonium of campus: Gilchrist Hall, otherwise known as Hell. I've an ongoing saga of fractured relations with just about everybody I've ever spoken to behind a counter or desk in that building. Much of this has to do with Bush's brilliant administration, responsible for canning my full-ride + subsistence + bookstore allowance benefits program. However, I was not notified of this until a month into my first semester at school.

Bear with me while I lay out the groundwork of this story. Basically, when I registered for classes, I was under the impression that my tuition and school supplies would be paid by the VA and I would also receive a subsistence allowance. I received these benefits when Mom was rated 100% disabled and unemployable, and right around my 16th birthday I completed the paperwork to officially apply for the benefits, and in return received confirmation that I rated them, as well as the forms to take with me when I registered for college someday.

I should have known that something was amiss when I took the papers to our trusty campus VA rep on the first day of classes, and... No wait, let me back up a tiny bit. My registration/orientation was the Friday before classes started, and the program was scheduled to end at around 1500. I think it was about 20 past when I finally got the print-out with my class schedule, and was about to ask someone where the registrar's office is so I could find Tricia to fill out my VA paperwork, when I overheard a guy a couple people behind me ask the same question. "Oh, her hours are til 3, so you'll have to wait until Monday to talk with her." Hmm... That's just wonderful. So I go on Monday. When I showed her my paperwork, her brow creased with perplexity.

"This isn't the form they usually use... I'm not really sure what you're supposed to put here... Well, let's just fill it out anyway."

All of those self-reassurances about my cluelessness concerning college being in good hands once I got to the professionals kind of went splat. But hey, what can really go wrong if you've got the right paperwork? I jotted down my prospective major and what I planned on doing with it once I graduated and handed the form to Tricia. "Alright, this should take about two weeks to process," she told me as she sealed the envelope.

The first week passed quickly with adjusting to my new schedule, figuring out where my classes were and the best way to get to them, and buying my textbooks - brand new, at the university bookstore, because I was going to get the cost refunded once my paperwork processed. The two-week mark came and went, but I wasn't terribly concerned - I told myself I'd give it another week before checking back. After all, there was probably a rush of claims to be handled at the beginning of the semester. Besides, I didn't want to seem insecure or nagging.

But it had to be done. Our September rent was coming due and we were counting on that money. Upon checking with Tricia, I was told it might take another two to four weeks for the check to be mailed. Just to double-check, as the loan I had taken out for the purpose of making car payments had been applied to my tuition, I asked, "So when that goes through, will they apply the money toward my tuition first and send me the difference like the other financial aid?"

Blank stare.

Oh great, I just said something really stupid.

"You'll get a check in the mail once a month, usually around the first of the month."

"Okay, so should I just make monthly payments toward my tuition? "

Another blank stare and awkward silence. Her resemblance to a cow was striking.

"Well, you can use it however you want, I guess."

I was confused and embarrassed, but with my only other option being to come back at a later date with more questions, I figured I'd might as well ask while I was there. "So, will the amount of the check be the subsistence plus the tuition subdivided? And will the bookstore allowance be included, or separate?"

It could just be me, or it could really have been that she had no clue where I got my ideas, and that furthermore, she felt I was a bit cheeky. I'm inclined to believe that she really thought I was some greedy kid who assumed that life would roll a red carpet out ahead of me wherever I went. "The check will be nine hundred dollars a month, and you can spend it however you want. I don't know what you mean by 'bookstore allowance'. It's called 'subsistence allowance.'"

How many times must this happen to me? Yes, I know there's subsistence allowance. I'm talking about something separate. Why don't you know what my benefits include? Do I seriously know more than the VA rep?

Yes.

I don't remember how I wrapped up that conversation, but I was certainly just as confused as she apparently was when I left, and considerably upset. I called Mom to ask her if I was crazy. No, those were the benefits she received when she started using them at a community college in Hawaii, before she was rated unemployable and the benefits were transferred to her dependents. But clearly $900 a month was not going to cover tuition, books, supplies, and living expenses. Good ol' Mom got on the horn and, after the same spiel about "spending that money however you want", she finally got Tricia to understand that there was a different program - the one I was supposed to be qualified for. Eventually she found out that, while Tricia vaguely remembered hearing about another program, she looked into it and discovered that our good friend W. canned it.

Thanks for letting us know.

So here we are, with a newer car, a higher rent, and me going into debt right along with my hubby. Lovely.

But the saga continues! (Sorry for the length of this post, but I have to rant today.)

Under that false impression that I would receive the benefits I was qualified to receive, I had wasted about $300 on textbooks, and we'd made some financial decisions based on a budget that had now gone to hell. Bottom line, December came and we were going to be evicted and lose our car, or borrow from Adam's parents, or take out another loan. We really wanted to avoid the first two options, since his parents had forwarded us money at the end of the summer so we could make the necessary down payment on the car, until we received our financial aid, and living on the street is obviously not desirable in an Iowan winter. So Adam visited the tormentors at the financial aid office to take out an alternative loan.

I dont' remember exactly why they wouldn't let him do anything unless I came in, too, but at any rate, I had to go back with him another day. We were ushered to the cubicle of a very nice, grandmotherly-looking older lady, and after explaining the situation about not being informed that I would only receive $900 monthly from the VA as opposed to all expenses paid, we were short about $2,000. Adam had already applied for a Chase loan and just needed the university to authorize it. But apparently all those smiles and nods during our discourse had disguised the fact that she hadn't listened to a word we'd said. "Well, is there any way you can make some budget cuts to compensate?"

Umm... yeah, we can cut our grocery budget back $2,000 this month. Come to think about it, we don't really need to eat out at upscale restaurants every night.

You've got to be kidding. You got $2,000 to pull out of a hat at Christmastime?

Nothing really bothers me more than someone who looks nice and says she wants to help, but doesn't listen to your situation and do the one thing that can actually help you. We had already scaled our budget down from what we'd been planning all summer long, so much that we spent less on groceries than when we had a single income from Adam's factory job. Furthermore, we only went on one $10 date a month, and bought birthday and Christmas gifts for family only, from the dollar store. And those were our only extra expenses beyond literal bills. I was so pissed that day, I went into the bathroom and kicked a dent in the wall. Properly, without breaking any toes.

But wait, there's more!

Under this new, crappy benefits program, summer doesn't count as a paid break, so you have to take classes in order to receive payments. And now we get to the kicker. Tuesday, I scheduled to meet with my advisor as soon as my French class got out, at 1400. Luckily, my class got out early, and I made it to the advising office by 1345. We picked out some classes in ten minutes, and I trekked over to Hell so I could double-check with Tricia that what I was planning would actually count as full-time (I don't really trust anything concerning this any more). I reached the registrar's desk at precisely 1400, and could see Tricia in her cubicle. To be polite, I asked at the desk, "Is Tricia available?"

The clerk leaned back in her chair to get the same view I had. "She's just heading out the door. What did you want to talk to her about?"

Tricia wasn't supposed to be out of the office for another hour. But, this not being the first time that she wouldn't be in during her posted hours, and this being Hell, I wasn't completely taken aback. However, I also didn't feel like making another trip over, out of my way, on another day - especially when I could see her there, in person, at the moment. "I just needed to ask her whether or not my summer classes will count as full time."

Tricia walked out, coat over arm, to take something from the printer on the wall behind the desk - within hearing distance, even. The clerk glanced over her shoulder, then back to me. "Could you come back tomorrow?"

I hesitated, on one hand tempted to just ignore her and walk over to Tricia presently, and on the other tempted to unleash a malevolent speech at her (a very pithy version of this post, with a more personally accusatory feel). But before I had made up my mind, she was saying, "Or I could give you her phone number."

And that is when I knew I would write about this bottler. Yeah, why don't you give me her number. I'll punch it into my cell and talk to her twenty feet away.

I resisted the temptation and just walked away, thinking, wtf. This calls for a blog rant.

Newscast

2009-03-28T15:44:00.000-05:00

Amalgam

2009-03-26T16:06:00.002-05:00

"Odd, the way the less the Bible is read the more it is translated." - CS Lewis

So, I am coming to realize why Lewis was so enraptured by literary study, and so ironical. [Inside joke; sorry.] But the study of literature: it's like a study of mirrors, of reflections. Things are maybe never quite true, and they can change with perspective. I don't really know what I'm trying to say, of course. Art is so fascinating and complex... not unlike myself! *wink*

Today I am very happy and should anyone actually read this he could tell by the rollicking stochasticity of this post; however, I've got justification, because Adam has righted my hopes with a joyous prospect. He may pursue grad work at MIT! And I shall not have labored these four years in vain. To think that three years from now we could be moving East. I suppose I shouldn't take off with wild plans just yet, but isn't that exciting?

I really wish that the weather would match the news. It's a little chilly and going to get colder yet over the weekend, with a mention of that four-letter s-word early next week. Ace. With Regionals this weekend, it really ought to be warm and sunny. Four years ago Tuesday was that fateful Regionals of '05, when I saw Adam in person for the first time since actually meeting via the quiz forums. Ah, des bons souvenirs. This weekend should be infinitely less awkward, though not as enjoyable as far as that goes. There's nothing like falling in love for the first time.

Seeing as no one actually reads this blog, it's no boon that my webcam seems to be malfunctioning. I'm not decided as to whether or not I like the video blog idea, but it's a change of pace. The most interesting part is there's no backspace feature - for better or for worse. At any rate, I'm sitting in the tunnel right now and had to take the moment to spew some thoughts, but video would have been dubious in this setting. I might get Austin and Adam on cam tomorrow night for some fun.

It's no use; I can't stop thinking about Adam going to MIT. It's so freaking awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel fully prepared to sacrifice in whatever manner necessary to make this happen. It has got to happen. Unless something better comes along, but I highly doubt that. Like... MIT spawning a satellite campus at Norfolk...

Exactement.

Okay, so is it entirely pointless to type a blog that has no cohesive subject other than my very incohesive life, which no one reads, not even myself? Problem is I'm not diligent enough to have a poetry blog or something such.

Oh my, my old french instructor just walked by as I was conveniently chugging sweet tea. I did manage "bonjour" and "ça va bien"...

Hey, I've got an idea. I could call this my ADD blog. How's that for a subject?

Enough. Adam'll be here to pick me up before long and my head is spinning anyway. Not to mention it's time to get back to Milton and my continued study of life through literature. If only I had the time necessary to devote the deserved amount of study... or the ability to focus.

Caffeine + pizza + stormy night = NOMS

2009-03-23T23:16:00.002-05:00

Well, our days are now more than 12 hours long. I suppose they have been for a while, but I've just been on weather.com and noticed the official sunrise/sunset times. We've currently got a nice storm brewing and it's about time, though I hope I don't sleep through a thunderstorm! I'd totally stay up, if I didn't have biology and critical writing tomorrow. And I'm prone to falling asleep during critical writing on a caffeine buzz. Speaking of which, I'm probably still on one from earlier... they're always better on no food! Speaking of which, I'm eating pizza now, right before going to bed... wonder what freaking awesome dreams I'll have tonight. I wonder: if for normal people pizza causes nightmares, maybe for me it'll cause good dreams!

Anyhow, I ought to get ready for bed now as it's late. To end, here's a first-go at video blogging, courtesy of boredom and my brother's urging. Blame him. And be warned that the video quality sucks. Seriously.

Printemps

2009-03-20T15:07:00.001-05:00

[ Don’t worry, be happy. ]

It’s happy hour at Sonic and the first day of spring, and I’ve got a lime slush and can write in the car… how lovely is that? That, and they really did have Bobby McFerrin playing on the radio, and we’re going home to grill on our new, cheap piece of tin. What a shame that Monday we’re back to classes.

Okay, so this is entirely lame and pathetic, but after watching 10 Things I Hate About You, I actually miss not only Virginia, but my being 9 years old and going to Goodwill with Alyssa and buying sundresses, and flip-flops from the Dollar Tree, and wishing we could be grown-up like her teen-age sister, Joy. I miss all sorts of things. I think I’m a person doomed to a kind of happy discontent.

There’s only two and a half days of holiday left, and I’ve done practically nothing on my list. I haven’t touched the piano other than to vacuum the dust off, I haven’t written anything until now really, the office is still a chaotic catch-all, and the only thing I’ve read is part of a cookbook. That has been good though, and something has come of it. For one thing, I remembered sweet tea, and for another I’ve whipped up a few new things (sorghum butter, homemade mayonnaise) and I plan on much, much more as things come in season. Reading about the South also makes me miss Dad’s side of the family, and regret more than ever that we never made it down over Christmas. I’ve talked with Dad recently again. It’s good to keep in touch but it’s hard to always feel like whichever parent I’m talking to thinks I’m of the other’s persuasion. And I’m here, but I could just as easily be there; it was all a matter of chance.

The Suncruiser is still at Hutton’s and I’m increasingly tempted to see what they’re asking for it. I sure wouldn’t mind looking inside and seeing if it’s the same upholstery and everything. Or I wonder if they’ve even got ownership records or something like. But part of me would rather never know for sure and just believe it really is ours. There’s something about the belief itself that can be stronger in a way than sure knowledge.

An important day in the marriage of Adam and Allegra

2009-03-18T23:58:00.000-05:00

On the 468th day of our marriage, I finally got to pass the puke test. I don't think I gave Adam quite a month before he got to. But I think mine was a little more... contained. As in, not on the bathroom walls and all over the toilet tank and seat. Anyhow, I think we're officially no longer newlyweds, and I feel more confident that I'll be able to handle babies someday.

Okay, well, this is to be short since it's technically the very beginning of the 469th day of our marriage and, Adam having retched his guts out no more than two hours previous, we need a good night's sleep. And hopefully I'll really get back in the saddle with this thing tomorrow.

Bonnuit.

L'inquiétude

2009-03-10T19:21:00.003-05:00

Not knowing where to start, I guess I'll just say that I've had a pretty demoralising day thus far. The options aren't good: either live in a dearth of hope without expectations to be wrecked or ride the ups and downs, and downs. It's like taking one step forward and two back, to borrow the cliché. I don't want to be a whiner, and I know there are people who have gone through and are going through more than I ever have, am or will. But as Equiano once told an African prince: the toothaches of a dozen men never lessen the pain of your own.

Apart from waking up after about three hours of sleep and feeling like a train wreck, I wanted to make the most of today. I actually listened through biology, I got something out of critical writing, and felt pretty knowledgeable in french.

The way to Iowa City was overcast but quick, and we had the time to stop at Chong's for an ice coffee before heading to the hospital. The appointment went alright; as well as it could considering the subject matter. Mom bordered tears but said she wasn't suicidal... yet. I suppose one could view that as good news. On the way home she expressed concern about being a burden to us as we'll have to drive her to/from the ECTs, but we assured her it would work out, and I tried to think everything was okay, even though I knew it probably wasn't. And, as usual, my gut was right. Austin called an hour later to let me know that he wouldn't be coming to swing club; Mom had broken down and was crying, hitting her head, and swearing off all meds and treatment. He started to blame himself but I told him not to. Just with his recent auditions he's had more on his plate than the average high-schooler, and there's so much more than that. If anyone's to blame, I am, for leaving just the two of them with everything to do. Another hour later Austin called again and said Mom told him to go to swing club; she didn't want him around the house, or maybe she just didn't want to ruin his evening. Whatever the case, he left, and as it's now technically Wednesday and I haven't heard back, I'm assuming nothing drastic took place in his absence. Not that I should assume, but I don't think I ought to call at this hour.

I still managed to work on french workbook with Mindy for an hour and a half at the library, but still won't be able to turn it in tomorrow like it's due. And in 8.5 hours I've a humanities exam, for which I'm still going to study more (when Adam can quiz me on the study guide)... I've had a beer and wouldn't have slept well even without it, so why not? God only knows if I'll ever sleep well again. Five years and counting, it begins to seem like a hopeless endeavour.

If for no other reason than that my battery is near dead, I'm signing off. Due to the nature of things, I might bring glad tidings tomorrow, or more of this. I know that the weather won't brighten anything, but I'm no slave to it... or at least I try not to be. I'd like to think I control my self, insofar as responses go. I know it's not always true and I guess sometimes I like being a victim or a protégée. Maybe what we label Muse is actually Master, or maybe the other way around. It's late, and I'm thinking too much. Friday won't come soon enough.

Prospects of finding, freeing...

2009-03-09T14:36:00.005-05:00

[ thoughts of peace can overcome anything ]

A grey cast has settled in and I've so much homework to do it's not funny. Still, I have to write, as it's been since Thursday. As usual, a lot and nothing has taken place these days. Friday I spent with Mom in Iowa City. We ate sushi and went to East West, and I got barley tea and some snack food. She's not feeling well again and she'll probably try ECT, which will mean two weeks in-patient. But if it works, it'll be worth the time... I hope, for her sake as well as ours, that something will take a turn for the better, and soon.

Friday evening Adam and I went to A Day in Hollywood, A Night in the Ukraine at Strayer-Wood. It was alright. Some funny moments. The funniest thing was the guy next to Adam, who bellowed at the slightest pun, and either annoyed or amused those around him. Saturday was our "month-iversary" date and we had plenty of diversion. We made waffles for a late brunch, played racquetball, ate dinner with Adam's co-workers as a "going-away" party for his boss (who's really just transferring positions and not moving anywhere; but any excuse for a party!) and went from there to the symphony. Beautiful! After a work by Charles Ives, the guest artist, Edgar Meyer, showed off his mad bass skills in a concerto he composed. And after his encore, Copeland's Rodeo. I love Copeland. I wish we'd do Appalachian Spring some fall, especially. He's the Vaughan Williams of the States. There's something fundamental in his music, but so sharp and edgy, and haunting, too.

I want spring so badly and free days and music.

We had rain yesterday, turning to snow, but little stuck.

I've decided to take up runes of some kind. I'm going to work on it over spring holiday, and also to read a western and one of my old Mandie books, and to write, to work on my stories. And scrapbooking and spring cleaning, of course. Oh, and knitting!! And maybe a movie or two... ha. Or 10, more like. Anyhow... that's my holiday to-do list. And now I guess I should get back to my Monday to-dos... but it's been a lovely break.

Glorious Day

2009-03-05T16:59:00.002-06:00

Who knew? All I needed was a warm, sunny day I guess. Of course, it being Thursday doesn't hurt things. Not one bit. Sitting here with the windows open, KHKE playing, wearing a skirt and barefoot... how could I be glum today? Adam got to wash the car and I took Raven for a walk (well, it was more of a roll-in-the-dust-on-the-sidewalk, but yeah...).

Possibly the best thing is the smell of spring today. How I long for Virginia. Here we have the smell of soil, which is wonderful enough, but when is added the sea...

Hmm. Enough indoors - it's time to go enjoy the weather.

Every new day will seem so new

2009-03-04T10:22:00.001-06:00

[ allegra con brio ]

A little play on words this sprightly day. Finally a little sunshine graces our frozen world and I have to say, I'm in a decent mood. Problem is, I've to write, but words seem to have abandoned me. It's not surprising, the way I've neglected them, that they should evade me when I'm ready to sit down and work again. I'm beginning to wonder at myself, my fears and cowardice and ennui. What I want is a little time in a forested place, with a book and my youth. They used to say I had wisdom beyond my years but now all I feel is age, and not yet 21. Heck, my life is just beginning. But sometimes I wonder if I've wasted too much or if the great moment has come or passed me by altogether. I've had my great moments, to be sure, but they're not great in the grand scheme of things. And I've had such faith in God and words and people in their own rights, but all I feel now is threat and bane.

Well enough casting of clouds today. I'm afraid Nature has taught me that habit over these last months, but at last her mood changes, and I hope mine will follow. I've certainly the adventures to carry me out of my lows. Within the month I set foot on foreign soil for the first time, receiving Atlantic's greetings; I suffered through the worst vague assignment ever given; I began my conquest of the sport of racquetball; I revived my knitting; I saw old friends and experienced a new side of Bible Quizzing at Iowa Invitational. And even on the horizon are a symphony, Spring holiday and Northern Regionals. And Spring and new life (I've got to start my seeds today) and green.

Well I've only an hour before French and Milton is hollering at me from my bag...